Sunday, January 30, 2011

Musical Monday

Happy Musical Monday, everyone! This week, I bring you a bit of mid 90s R & B. Please enjoy "Pony" by Ginuwine.





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Eye Candy 1/30

Female Hottie: Jennifer Tilly

This week's female hottie may best be know for her unmistakable voice than anything else. You can hear her occasionally as Bonnie Swanson on Family Guy. This buxom beauty has also been in numerous films including Bound, Moving Violations, Liar, Liar, Bride of Chucky, just to name a few. Currently, she is a member of the World Series of Poker Circuit (she is a past winner, btw), as well as continuing with her acting career.

Male Hottie: Gene Kelly

I don't think this guy really needs any introduction. Gene Kelly is known as one of the best dancers to ever grace the silver screen. You can argue all day who is better, him or Fred Astaire. Kelly's film credits include Singin' in the Rain, Anchors Aweigh, DuBarry Was a Lady, Ziegfeld Follies, Cover Girl, Brigadoon, Xanadu, just to name a few. Yeah, this is a retro pick, but the classics never age.

Random Hottie from a movie or TV show seen this week: Nina Siemaszko

Our random hottie comes to us from the movie Airheads. Nina Siemaszko (seriously needs to get a new last name) can also be seen in various TV appearances and on the big screen in movies like License to Drive and One More Saturday Night. Maybe her career will take off and we'll see more of her. Am I the only one that thinks she resembles Lucy from 7th Heaven?

MILF: Natasha Henstridge

Remember the movie Species? Well, this week's MILF, is the uber hot alien from that film. Natasha Henstridge hasn't exactly been lighting the world on fire since then, but she has been steady working in movies and TV such as The Whole Nine Yards, Species II, Eli Stone, Drop Dead Diva, Species III, etc. She is now the mother to two (very lucky) boys.

Classic/Retro Hottie: Maureen O'Hara

Maureen O'Hara is about as well known for her red hair as Lucille Ball was. O'Hara's career mainly was in westerns and swashbuckling films. Some of her highlights were Miracle on 34th Street, The Black Swan, The Redhead from Wyoming, Buffalo Bill, McLintock!, Rio Grande, Lady Godiva of Coventry, The Quiet Man, Big Jake, and the list goes on. Although retired from the industry, at 90 years young, she is still alive and kicking.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

She can move!

Seriously, for a bigger girl, this chick (Velma Middleton) can move, don't you think?

Quote of the Week

If it is to be, it is up to me!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Big is beautiful

The first month of the new year is almost over, and for the past 26 days it seems like I've heard nothing but weight loss stories, or some kind of weight criticism.

Now, I'm not going to criticize anyone for losing weight, for the right reasons, but to do it just to be a "skinny bitch" seems to be...well, it's just flat out wrong!

I've mentioned on this blog before that it seems as if certain aspects of the media want men (or women) to want these waif thin women. For me, personally, I'm one to embrace curves.

The little women is quite well endowed in the front and back and not ashamed of them. For some reason, the media seems to be hell bent on tearing down and ruining our favorite "big" actresses/singers. The list of casualties include Scarlett Johnasson, Toccarra Jones, Jennifer Hudson, Raven Symone, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Carrie Underwood, Sara Rue, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Beyonce, Tyra Banks, and the list goes on and on.

Ugh...I get so frustrated when I think about things like this. To make matter worse, the producers of some show in Las Vegas, think that that former Playboy playmate and uber hottie Holly Madison...here she is



Now, tell me, does she look anywhere close to fat? Granted, this picture is touched up and photoshopped a bit, but not that much.

I'll go even further. It is no secret that the women in WWE tend to be the model type, and the ones that aren't end up being the kind that just throw their, pardon the pun, weight around. Well, apparently, they did a storyline awhile back criticizing the weight of one of their "divas". Shortly thereafter, she was released and is now a star in a rival promotion.

You would think they'd have learned from that experience, right? Wrong! Look at WWE diva Natalya



This is an untouched picture. As you can see, she's a bit on the thicker side...probably more muscle than actual fat, but one of the announcers called her "hefty" on the air Monday, from what I hear. Whether this is a storyline or what remains to be seen, but what do you think? I happen to know more than a few women who would love to be her size!

I love this quote she gave the next day "...this diva is built in the front, stacked in the back and proud of every inch!!!"

Forgetting the fact that she's a wrestler, that is a really good quote. I may use it as the quote of the week...lol

I still have to ask you, what is has our society disintegrated into that these two are "fat"?

Here are a few musical tributes to the bigger girls. At least these guys aren't obsessed with the "skinny bitches"






I may be one of the few in the world that has this view, but I'm going to end this post by saying that women are beautiful, no matter what size they are...though I prefer curves ;)

Quote of the Day

God created only one race...the human race...humans created racism - Bossman

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Musical Monday

Happy Musical Monday, everyone! This week, let's enjoy some musical goodness from the movie Singin' in the Rain. Enjoy the title track (and try to forget the blasphemous version they did on Glee a few weeks back. They just don't make movies or music like this anymore.





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Eye Candy 1/23

Female Hottie: Kate Beckinsale

Can you believe this is only the second time I have featured uber hottie Kate Beckinsale? I know I can't! Best known for her role in the Underworld franchise, Kate has been making men swoon and women want to be her in other films such as Pearl Harbor, The Aviator, Whiteout, Click, Van Helsing, and The Last Days of Disco just to name a few. I can't wait to see her in the next Underworld movie, as well as anything else she does.

Male Hottie: Hugh Jackman

Best known for his role in the X-Men franchise, as well as being an extremely talented song and dance man, this week's male hottie, Hugh Jackman, seems to have disappeared from the public eye for the past year or two, but will be returning big soon. His next picture, Real Steel, will be released in October, and I hear he may or may not appear in this summer's X-Men: First Class.

Random Hottie from a movie or TV show seen this week: Alia Shawkat

This week's random hottie, Alia Shakwhat, comes to us from the movie Whip It. Some may know her best from the show Arrested Development, though. Alia has been working steadily since childhood. Her next on screen appearances are in the 3 movies set to be released this year Cedar Rapids, The Oranges, and The Lie. I look forward to seeing more of this exotic, freckled beauty.

MILF: Sofia Vergara

This week's MILF is a voluptuous, buxom beauty currently starring on the comedy hit Modern Family. My first time seeing Sofia Vergara, though, was in the movie Soul Plane, where she had a minor role as a flight attendant. Amazing how far her career has come since then, huh? She is set to either lend her voice or appear in the upcoming Smurfs movie. We haven't seen the last of Sofia, that's for sure.

Classic/Retro Hottie: Pam Grier

I went to back to the 70s to find this Nubian goddess. Back in the days of blaxploitation films, Pam was all the rage. Since then, she's had cameo roles and bit parts, but hey, work is work, right?. Last leading role that I know was in Quentin Tarrantino's Jackie Brown. I believe she also was an important character in the TV series The L Word. She still has her classic, ageless beauty, not to mention those killer curves!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Quote of the Week

I got a FEVER! And the only prescription...is MORE COWBELL! - Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickinson in the Blue Oyster Cult VH1 Behind the Music sketch

Friday, January 21, 2011

Why do they even bother?

As a musician who has spent most of my life down here in Louisiana, it is a safe bet to say that I'm a jazz lover. As a matter of fact, I idolize Louis Armstrong (no pun intended, since last night was the New Orleans auditions of American Idol)

I do have to question, though, why every year they have a festival they call "New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival" when in fact they have little to no jazz.

Take for instance this year's lineup (asterisk denotes actual jazz acts that I'm aware of)

Arcade Fire
Bon Jovi
Jimmy Buffett
Kid Rock
John Mellencamp
Wilco
Willie Nelson
The Strokes
Robert Plant
Ms. Lauryn Hill
Tom Jones
Jeff Beck
*Sonny Rollins
John Legend & The Roots
The Avett Brothers
Cyndi Lauper
Wyclef Jean
Mumford & Sons
Alejandro Sanz
Jason Mraz
Maze feat. Frankie Beverly
Lupe Fiasco
Arlo Guthrie
Jamey Johnson
Fantasia
*Kenny G
Michael Franti & Spearhead
The Decemberists
Gregg Allman Blues Band
Vickie Winans
Lucinda Williams
&Robert Randolph & the Family Band
Robert Cray
Bobby Blue Bland
Mighty Clouds of Joy
Edie Brickell
Keb’ Mo’
Rance Allen
Ahmad Jamal
Fourplay
Ricky Skaggs
Amos Lee
Jesse Winchester
Michelle Shocked
Tabou Combo
RAM and Boukman Eksperyans of Haiti
Punch Brothers
*Ron Carter Trio
Fisk Jubilee Singers
Ivan Lins
Charlie Musselwhite
*Maceo Parker with guest Pee Wee Ellis
and others

Now, you can sit here and argue with me all you want about how it is a "mixture of all styles". I don't have a problem with that. As a matter of fact, some of these non-jazz artists I even like, but for a festival that is supposed to promote jazz first and everything else second.

Is jazz such a dying art form in this country that even its birthplace can't give it a proper festival? *SIGH* They should really just name this thing something else and let Satchmo Summerfest become the official jazzfest.

At least then, there would be a jazz fest with real jazz and not this stuff that's just thrown together to get people to come, as if they wouldn't come without names like Bon Jovi and, I hesitate saying this, Kid Rock.

I'm thoroughly frustrated with this now. Think I need to go put on some smooth jazz and just chill.

Retro Commercial Friday

Do you remember...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Quote of the day

If ignorant people were songs, I'd skip them - agitated student coming out of a conference with the counselor

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Growth

As you all know by the numerous shameless plugs I post here, I do have another blog. You can check it out here.

We all know how crucial readers are to blogging. Most, if not all, of the readers of this little blog only found it through Entrecard. Some may only swing by because of said site. That's fine. I am also aware of the "empty views"...those that only glance as they are passing through, and don't read.

On occasion I am guilty of this myself. I admit it --hangs head in shame--. However, a fellow movie blogger of mine noted that while this blog gets comments, my other does not.

This has led me to ask for suggestions from the blogosphere. Anyone have ideas?

It is way past time for that other blog to grow and blossom, don't you think? I will be joining a movie blogger group, which should help some, but I'm open to other suggestions. also, if any one wants to go over and comment, even if its just to say "good job", I won't complain!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Musical Monday

Happy Musical Monday, everyone! This week, I thought I'd share with you some 80s awesomness. Please enjoy "Africa" by Toto.





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Eye Candy 1/16

Female Hottie: Beyonce

What can I say about this woman that hasn't been said? She burst on the scene at the end of the 90s with the group Destiny's Child, then after a few years struck out on her own with a solo album, acting gigs soon followed, as did the cover of Sports Illustrated. Did I mention the girl is successful and has curves?!? Jay-Z is a lucky man!

Male Hottie: Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper is quickly becoming one of the hottest men in Hollywood. Currently starring as Face in the recently released A-Team, Cooper has also starred in The Wedding Crashers, The Hangover, All About Steve, and Valentine's Day just to name a few. He also had a bit of a television career appearing on shows like Sex & the City, Jack & Bobby, and most notably Nip/Tuck. I'm sure women all over the world are more than happy they're getting more than their fair share of this guy.

Random Hottie from a movie or TV show seen this week: Kelly Brook

This week's random hottie comes to us from the British modeling world and her appearance in Pirhana 3D. Kelly Brook also has her own line of swimwear and dabbles a bit in acting, hosting, and judging. You may have seen her in the pages of Maxim, FHM, GQ, etc. She has also appeared on Strictly Come Dancing, The Big Breakfast, and Celebrity Love Island (all British TV programs). On the big screen, she's been seen in The Italian Job, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, School for Seduction and the aforementioned Piranha 3D. No doubt we haven't seen the last of this buxom British bombshell.

MILF: Stacey Dash

We all remember her as Dionne from Clueless. Wow! Was that really 16 yrs ago? All that time plus popping out 2 kids, and it doesn't look like she's aged a bit! Definitely a MILF in my book, and those eyes could stop traffic! She can next be seen in an upcoming VH1 series Single Ladies. The show could suck, but it'll be worth the torture just to gaze upon this goddess!

Classic/Retro Hottie: Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher is best known to billions of fanboys around the world as Princess Leia from the "Holy Trilogy" (Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi, for those that aren't familiar with the terminology. Since then, she hasn't been out of work, but hasn't really had anything major, mostly appearing in small and cameo roles, or doing voice-over work. She also has written an autobiography, as well as a novel. It is a bit ironic that I chose this picture of her, as this week, she became the new face of Weight Watchers (or one of the other gazillions weight loss companies), saying she had gotten fat. No matter her size, I still love her.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Video issues?

It has come to my attention that some of you are having trouble with the videos on my blog. If so, let me know. It may be a YouTube or blogger issue. However, from past experiences, I know that clearing out your browser's cache seems to work. Or you can just refresh couple times.

Having said that, I'm not going to pretend to know anything about the technical issues. Just keep me posted.

Quote of the Week

You're overwhelmed, Freeze was underwhelmed; Why isn't anyone ever just whelmed? - Robin, from Young Justice

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A- = lawsuit?

Yeah, that title is right. With the first half of the year over, it was time to give out midterms. With said midterms come parent teacher conferences. My students mostly got As. I mean, I teach band and study hall. Not exactly AP Algebra, y'know?

So, why the lawsuit? Well, one of my students earned herself an A- and her parents were none to happy about it. Yes, you read that right. They got all bent out of shape over their daughter getting an A-!

Why did she get said grade. Simply put, she was tardy a couple times. Not like she's a bad kid. It happens. She even acknowledged so, but apparently her parents think otherwise. At least that's what I gathered from our conference this morning.

They threatened to sue me, the school, and the school board for giving their little girl a "failing grade".

First of all, when has an A- ever been a failing grade?
Second, I didn't give the grade, she earned it.
finally, how are you going to sue over something so trivial?

Rest assured, my friends, nothing came of this. These are just parents that think everything should go their way and be handed to them. Appareled when their oldest was in middle school the same thing when he was quarterback of the football team and went 19/20 for 211 yds.

I guess I had to meet a couple like this eventually, huh?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Musical Monday

Happy Musical Monday, everyone! This week I thought I'd make things a bit funky. So, please enjoy Earth, Wind, & Fire's mega hit, "September".





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Eye Candy 1/9

Female Hottie: Anneliese van der Pol

I'm willing to bet you don't have a clue as to who Anneliese is. Well, she is known mostly for being Chelsea on That's So Raven. I recently found out that she played Belle in Broadway's Beauty & the Beast. Last summer she had a sort of major role in the spoof comedy Vampires Suck. 2011 has her set to appear on the big screen even more. I have a thing for redheads, so I'm wishing she keeps getting screen time.

Male Hottie: Daniel Dae Kim

I've never really understood the fascination with Lost, but apparently this guy is part of the reasons a lot of female viewers tuned in (and now watch the reboot of Hawaii 5-0), including a very convincing best friend of mine who threatened parts of my anatomy if I didn't get him on here soon. So, to save me from mutilation, here he is/ I hope that you enjoy, ladies.

Random Hottie from a movie or TV show seen this week: Jenn Proske

Fresh on the scene in Hollywood is this week's random hottie, Jenn Proske. Her first movie role was in with Anneliese in Vampire's Suck, and I can only hope that she gets more work. Talent and looks, I say we keep an eye on her.

MILF: Jennifer Lopez

The mother of twins is a bonafide MILF.J-Lo is a triple threat. She's a talented actress, singer, and business woman. Who would have ever thought that a "Fly Girl" from In Living Color would go on to become such a huge megastar? Yo go, "Jenny from the Block"! Let's just hope she doesn't suck as a judge on American Idol.

Classic/Retro Hottie: Zsa Zsa Gabor

This week's retro hottie is Zsa Zsa Gabor. Perhaps best known for her numerous marriages (she may be 2nd to Liz Taylor in terms of marriages), Zsa Zsa actually did have a bit of a career. Starring in both the big and small screen, yet nothing as notable as her sister's stint on Green Acres or voice work with Disney, but she has found lots of cameo work before her surgery in '07. Career aside, she was quite the looker. Hopefully, she has a full recovery and no complications from her recent health issues, which may require a partial amputation of one of her legs.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Quote of the Week

After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music- Aldous Huxley

Friday, January 7, 2011

A little late...but still worth a chuckle

this was sent to me over the holidays...

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. This won first prize !!!.

"Christmas With Louise"
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Ted's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown!!!.............

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally,
I made it to the inflatable doll section................

"I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour".

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination!.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Ted said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Ted's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health!
Hopefully she'll join us for Christmas next year ! Oh yaaaaaa..........

Retro Commercial Friday

Do you remember...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Shameless plug

Just a quick shameless plug for my other blog. with a new year comes time to hand out the awards, and i have done so, in my post "2010 Movie Awards"

please go check them out...and don't be afraid to leave a comment, even if you've never heard of any of them...lol

...i also won't complain if you peruse various other posts and leave comments :)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Musical Monday

Happy Musical Monday, everyone! First off, thanks for the many comments to last week's selection. I may bring it back sometime in the future. This week, please enjoy UB40's "Can't Help Falling in Love"




Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.





PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Eye Candy 1/2

Female Hottie: Christina Aguilera

Hands down one of the most beautiful and talented women in the business. She can sing rings around those manufactured singers out there nowadays, and as you can see, she's not an eye sore. Fresh off her performance in the movie Burlesque in which critics praised her performance (though not much else about the movie), a new facet of her talent has been opened up

Male Hottie: Jimmy Smits

Jimmy Smits is another in a long list of men women swoon over that I just don't see the attraction. Chances are if you're a fan of dramas, you've seen him in your show. I remember him from NYPD Blue and his smaller part in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

Random Hottie from a movie or TV show seen this week: Liu Yi Fei

Chinese beauty Liu Yi Fei is not exactly a household name here in the states, unless you just marveled at her beauty in The Forbidden Kingdom, but as you can see, she has some striking features. Aside from acting, she also has a budding musical career. Hopefully, we'll see more of her.

MILF: Melissa Joan Hart

The world was first introduced to Melissa on Nickelodeon's hit show Clarissa Explains It All. She then went on to star in Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Since that show ended she has mainly been focusing in her family and production company, but has graced us with her beauty on screen in bit parts and guest spots. She has 2 films set for release in the coming year, and judging by this picture, having 2 kids didn't make her lose her hotness. Currently, she's starring in the ABC Family sitcom Melissa & Joey.

Classic/Retro Hottie: Beverly D'Angelo

Maybe best known as Mrs. Griswold from the National Lampoon Vacation movies, Beverly D'Angelo made quite a name for herself as the foil to Chevy Chase's buffoonery. Beverly has appeared in numerous other films outside of that franchise, though, and can be seen in HBO's series Entourage.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Quote of the Week

Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. - Abraham Lincoln

What happens when men retire

got this in a forward last night...

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing Management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ''Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna Look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Pictures, Images and Photos