Wednesday, January 21, 2009

If Chick Flicks Were Re-Written By Guys

I copied this from my friend over at Regretful Morning. I thought it was actually funny, especially since I like allot of these movies. Hope you all get a laugh out of it!

Most of us of been dragged to the movies for a chick flick against our will. In short its torture, and also 2 hours of your life you can never get back. We’d much rather be in the theater across the hall where shit is getting destroyed and bad guys are getting fucked up. The following chick flicks have been recreated by men, you be the judge of which version you’d rather see.

Bitch (by mattrider93) - Will Smith stars as a character who gets bullied most of his life. Around the 20 minute mark an ex navy seal/hitman takes him under his wing. At the 45 minute mark hes kicking ass. Before the end of the movie he also kills all of the guys who bullied him and proceeds to have sexual intercourse with their super model (now ex) girl friends.

When Harriet Met Sally (by nat_g31) - Harriet and Sally both graduated high school and are looking to make some extra cash before college. There was an open position as nanny, and since the family liked them both so much, they were hired as a team. The rest of the movie involves the two catholic school girls exploring each others bodies. At one point a burglar breaks into the house, so Harriet distracts him via blow job while Sally chops off his head with an axe.

In Her Pants (by Patrat) - Two sisters are competing for one mans affection. They decide to settle their dispute via cage match. Only instead of a cage, its a kiddie pool of jell-o. And instead of gladiator suits, they wear nothing. The judges declare a draw so the 3 of them have a mini orgy with the ring girls until the credits start to roll.

Legally 18 (by wafflezwayne) - Hayden Pannettiere is dumber than a bag of shit. Fortunately shes hot, so getting her dream job only took 3 sets of knee pads. Toward the end of the movie, a hotter girl comes along so Hayden tries to kill her (you know typical high school girls). However, the new girl talks sense into Hayden and they become friends. Then Hayden gets dominated by an 18 wheeler which loses control and plows into her Jetta.

Camel Toe (by mason4300) - Robert Taylor is dating a chick with a gigantic camel toe. He soon becomes infatuated with the toe and sets off to find even larger camel toes. Sadly his now girlfriend figures out that hes been slumming for other muff, so she slips some rat poison is his cereal.

Indiana Jones’ Journal (by McBeefy) - Basically Harrison Ford keeps a journal of everything awesome. This includes his greatest explosions, missions, fist fights, and sexual encounters. Renee Zellweger makes a cameo in this film as a call girl. After a night of knocking boots, she asks Indiana Jones if he will put her in his “diary”. He responds by feeding her to his pet Komodo Dragon “its a fucking journal”.

The Devil Wears Nada (by Ilikebananas) - Anne Hathaway is trying to put herself through college, so she does what every single good looking girl contemplates at least once (becomes a stripper). As the movie picks up, she witnesses one of her stripper friends get assaulted by a client turned stalker. She then makes it her goal to kill all men who mistreat women. Unfortunately she has minimal success so you basically just see a naked Anne Hathaway trying to kill biker types.

Not really any point to this, just wanted to share a laugh with you guys.


Cashmere said...

Haha! Very funny indeed.. And it's so men! ;P

Paul Baines said...

Sit by the phone I am sure you'll be hearing from some Hollywood execs any moment.... now!

*lynne* said...

heh, I am really amused by the concept of Indy Jones' diary, for some reason :)

Perky said...

I had a good laugh with this one! :)

Jenn said...

Ha ha, very funny.

Mystery Man said...

Cashmere- so true

Paul - lol their people will call my

lynne- i was more intrigured by When Harriet Met

Perky- glad you had a good laugh

Jenn- isn't it, though?

dmarks said...

And don't forget these remakes:

"The Sisterhood of No Pants"

"Thelma and Louise Make a Porno"

"The Get Lucky with Joy Club"

"Four One Night Stands and a Funeral"

Remake of "Gone with the Wind" starring Kevin James"