Friday, January 9, 2009

Man Law

My last couple of blogs have been a bit of a downer, so I figured I'd put up something to give us a chuckle, so I bring you


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Hope you enjoyed it. Found it earlier today and it gave me a laugh.


I Hate Commercials said...

I will be posting that list on the fridge.

Mike Golch said...

good one!!

OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique said...

Have seen this as an Email joke that has been around for ages! Hilarious! Thanks for sharing ~ I'm sure all the guys agree - he!

foongpc said...

Haha! Funny! Though some makes a lot of sense : )

Cashmere said...

Haha! Good one...

shydub said...

fuuny one hahaha! you are right they don't mind. I let my husband read your post, hmmm no sounds i know whats going on in his mind while reading it.

Rose Works Jewelry said...

That cracks me up :) Thanks for sharing!

The Hawg! said...

Seen that one before. It's funny because it's true...

Jen said...

I've seen this before but it always makes me chuckle.

nisha said...

Hi.. Nice exciting blog you have out here.. am following your blog now :) hope you will take some time out to visit my blog 2. I came over from bluecrystaldude blog:)

Mystery Man said...

I Hate Commericals- lol i did the same thing

Mike- isn't it though?

Olli McKay- i think it's been around for a while, but i'd figured it'd give everyone a chuckle or two

foongpc- i thought so too

Cashmere-glad you enjoyed it

shydub- probably the same thing that was going on in mine when i first read

Rose Works- my pleasure

Mr. Hawg- those are often the funniest

Jen- always made me chuckle, that's for sure

nisha- thanks for the compliment, hope i can keep it exciting over here.